An Egg

And so we were gifted this Ostrich egg. Walking down the road, homeward, Abbey and Greg and myself.  We were hoping for a ride but none came so we continued foot after foot, slowly, patiently.  Stopped to say hi to Bert and Ernie, our Ostrich friends.  They didn't say much, as usual. Yet we walked away, proudly, with one shining egg.

An Ostrich egg has the equivalent to 24 hen eggs.  So we began thinking of what to do with it.  Make the biggest scramble ever? Feed a hungry village? Hard boil, and make 100 egg salad sandwiches?

So we got the thing home.  Set it on that shiny counter.  Poured some Ouzo.  And the events that followed... well...




We deserved another shot of ouzo.

What happened can be interpreted 3 ways.

The first:

Six hands, six eyes, three similes, two holes punctured on either side of one huge egg.  Simple, really. The process went much quicker than we thought...
A hammer and screwdriver were the useful tools to do the trick. As I delicately punctured the largest single cell known to mankind, patient faces stared back at me and I thought, "Alright, here we go.."
Yellow membrane and clear royal jelly escaping the shell. Spontaneous spurts of dancing accompanied by ouzo shots and laughter, what could be better than this experiment? Lights flashed and I was curious of the aftermath of the successful outcome...Fritatta? yes. Brownies? ok. Cookies? yep. All made and still, more egg left...
Looks like we're set for a week.

The second:

(and then this shit fucking happened, we were at this disco hanging out with Albanian drug lords and they were like, "Hey! Come on our yacht."  And we were like, "K."  Then on the way out this rival gang was waiting outside with a bunch of guns and dogs and hummers and rocket packs.  And they were like, "Bro you've crossed us one too many times."  Then this guy opened his shirt and had a dynamite vest on and was like, "This can go one of two ways Bro."  And the other guy was like, "Bro..."  Then, somebody threw a smoke bomb and we jumped on the back of a motorcycle and then next thing I remember I was on a yacht smoking cigars and being served by siamese twins from Myanmar).

The third:

Lost a week of my memory. An empty egg shell, but where did it come from? Ah, fuck it.  Lets paint it red, celebrate Easter, play soccer by the church.  Look at all these brownies, and cookies! Cookies for breakfast, but ah damn, we are out of milk.  Cookies and seltzer water.  The pools overflowing with rain.  Where do the sheep go to stay dry? Think I will stay inside today and read a book. 




And apart from all that, this past month has taught me many valuable lessons. For example, when you go dancing with Albanians, you should spin three times every time they spin you.  When you add ice to Ouzo, it turns a foggy gray color.  You cannot buy anything between the hours of 1 and 6, so you might as well sleep.  Don't leave laundry out in a windstorm, chances are it will fall in the pool.  Never turn your back on the kids near the church, they have tricks up every sleeve. And, that one Ostrich egg can produce a frittata, 20 cookies, a whole plate of brownies, and you will have egg-in-a-bowl for a left over.







*this (mostly fiction) post was written by three. without our combined recollections it could never have been made possible. special thanks.